THE MULTITUDE

“And they ate and were satisfied. And they took up the broken pieces left over, seven baskets full. And there were about four thousand people. And he sent them away.” (Mark 8:8-9 ESV)

As always, I have a lot on my mind. I am forever busy having my hands into many things. I’m a little exhausted, however, tonight and will be heading to bed in just a little bit. Actually, that will be early for me because I rarely go to bed before midnight. My right arm and shoulder hurts and I know it’s because of the busy-ness.

Yesterday was Resurrection Sunday and it was truly a beautiful and exciting day. We went to sunrise service, then had breakfast at church, and then went into Sunday School and our normal 11:15 worship service. Included in that service was the Youth program that our Pastor appointed me to coordinate. I really don’t know why he thinks that I can do these things. We are still fairly new members of this church, being as we’ve only been here since Katrina. I’m still learning about their ways, the members, and everything about them. I am sure that they are still “learning” us as well. We are quite active in the different ministries, but it’s still sort of new to me. In addition to being appointed as the Marriage Ministry Director, as part of my working with the Youth, I deal with the creative arts, thus putting together the different programs I’ve been put over so far.

The kids did a wonderful job. They are quite smart and although a huge bundle of energy, a joy to work with. I ended up including two musical selections, which meant that I taught the songs and directed them singing. I also enjoy that, although I am not a choir director. I have, however, done that in the past for a period of time back in New Orleans. I much prefer to be directed than to direct, but I must admit that I love teaching, coaching, inspiring, empowering. I absolutely love bringing the best out of people, especially in a creative way.

Anaiah didn’t have school today, so I was able to SLEEP late this morning! I appreciated not having to get up at 5:15 am. I believe that I slept until about 8:00……and it felt so good! I took my time getting up and just sort of lounged around for awhile. But, I knew that I had a busy day ahead of me still because I had school tonight myself, and I still had not completed my homework for one of the classes. So, that meant more studying for me, and then I had to write a short paper. I love my seminary classes and although they are challenging and somewhat difficult at times, I can say that I am learning so much. The classes are helping me as a person and in my walk and relationship with the Lord. My degree will be in Counseling, but I know that if my study and these classes didn’t help me personally, then I would never be of help to anyone else. Right now, we’re in core courses, and again, they are so beneficial.

Part of my study for tonight’s class was something that spoke directly to me and I related and saw myself there. This is the summary statement of my “observations” of a small passage we were to use:

“Mark 8:1-10 is a beautiful expression of the love of Jesus and His ability and willingness to provide. It also proves as a reminder for us that when we face seemingly impossible situations, we can know that He has performed miracles and mighty works in the past for us, and that there is nothing that we will face that is too difficult for Him to work out. If He did it once, He can do it again and again, because He is God.”

You know, many people know of and often refer to Jesus feeding the multitude of 5000 with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread. It was truly a miracle. Yet, we also forget (or are not aware) that Jesus once again fed a multitude (Mark 8:1-10), this time of 4000. The disciples were with him on both occasions. They saw what He did the first time with the 5000. How soon we forget? When they were faced with another multitude, the disciples questioned how they were going to feed them. They were in a desolate area, food wasn’t readily available. How soon we forget? Jesus asked them what did they have. They said 3 fish and 7 loaves of bread, but wondered how it would be possible for them to feed the people. How soon we forget?

In the passage I wrote at the beginning of this blog entry (Mark 8:8-9), it states that they ate, they were satisfied, and that there was more food leftover (7 baskets full). Jesus did it again!

My classmates were very hard on the disciples exclaiming their surprise as to how they (disciples) even questioned how they would feed these people. After all, hadn’t Jesus done it previously? Not only that, right after the first feeding of the 5000, they saw Jesus walking on water, and they couldn’t believe it! They couldn’t believe it because they couldn’t grasp yet exactly who Jesus was. They’d “forgotten” that they’d just seen Him perform such a miracle with the 5000. They’d seen Him performing many miracles, yet they still did not believe.

I had to speak up in the class and say that we cannot be so hard on the disciples. How many miracles have we seen in our own lives? How many times has God delivered us? How many times has He made out of no way for us? Must Jesus say to us, as He did the disciples, “Where is your faith?”

We are not much different from the disciples.

This message spoke so deeply to me because unlike myself, God is faithful at all times. He is true to His Word. He is consistent. Additionally, as in the passage, He not only provides, but He goes beyond. They ate………and were satisfied. They were full. He’d taken care of them in every way, actually. He first took care of their spiritual needs by teaching them. This particular crowd remained with Him for three days hungry for His Word. He loved them so much, and was moved by compassion, that He refused to send them away without providing for their physical need. And He did so abundantly.

As I face challenges and some difficulties in my life, I pray that I not forget the feedings of the multitude. May I not wonder and ask as the disciples did as one with eyes who cannot see, ears who cannot hear, and one not to remember.

Carla

MOVE!

I’m not quite sure why, but I am speechless tonight. Quite unusual for me. Actually, I’ve been at a loss of words for the last few days. I’ve wanted to write, to blog, to create, to just be me…….yet I haven’t been feeling it. As always, there’s a lot going on with me. It’s always something! I say I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I guess I really do. Frankly, I’m just tired. Not physically. I’m emotionally drained and mentally exhausted. I’m still working at bringing my life into order…..or under order….. under control.

On one hand, I am thrilled to have the time and availability to do what I love and to love what I do. Yet, everything is not tied together yet. Everything is not in order yet. I feel so unorganized.

And then on the other hand, it is such a struggle now without my income. My goodness! It is amazing how much and how far my little dollars went. We take a lot for granted.

Then I question myself, fuss at myself, and wonder if I should have continued to suffer and endure the sacrifices I made and all that I went through to work for somebody else. Well, each time I questioned and second-guessed myself, God ALWAYS showed me that I was NOT wrong and that I was on the right path. He has shown me over and over again that I’ve done the right thing.

What He is consistently beating into my head is that I have NOT totally released myself to Him by fully trusting Him. Now THAT’S a hard pill to swallow. The truth hurts! I’m not proud of it, but I have to face the fact that no, I have not truly allowed myself to simply believe! You know, it’s hard to do that when you are trying to maintain control. Something has to give. It’s time for me to relinquish my perceived control and to do as the Lord continually speaks to my spirit……..He asks me, “When are you going to trust me?” Then, He tells me, “You have to believe me enough to know”.

As long as I hold on with clinched fists to fear of the unknown, then I am denying the One who is all-knowing free access in my life.

Tonight I sit here, oddly enough under cold temperatures of 38 degrees in March, watching this beautiful crackling fire in the fireplace, and I say that I am speechless. I guess it’s not that I have no words to say (uh……just look above)……..I simply have no justification for my actions. How can I justify not trusting God? In fact, I am ashamed of my actions.

Please pray for me as I move self out of the way. I am reminded of an old gospel song……..”If you move yourself, then God can have His way”.

Lord, I am sorry and I’ll just move on over……I am getting out of the way!

Carla