PUT THE FORK DOWN!

PUT THE FORK DOWN!
By Carla Y. Nix

"For we walk by faith, not by sight." - 2 Corinthians 5:7

My daughter is home from college for the summer. She told me about one of her friends who seem to share one of my idiosyncrasies. We both use a fork when we eat!

What’s so odd about that?

Well, my daughter says that we use a fork EVERYTHING, and frankly, that just burns her up!

As she told me about her friend, I actually understood a little more about myself. My daughter explained that her friend, just like me, uses a fork for such things as hot dogs, fried chicken, sandwiches, pizza, etc. Foods that most people consider finger foods. As my daughter spoke about it, I immediately said that her friend does this because she likes to be in control. My daughter was amazed that I understood her friend so well. She said that I definitely described her friend.

I was able to do that because the friend’s peculiarity made perfect sense to me and I saw myself. I’d never even considered my urge to use a fork for everything as a need for control. But, my eyes were opened when I saw myself through someone else.
I explained to my daughter that it’s not purely a fight FOR control, but a struggle for being IN control in my life. I’ve long learned that I can’t control all things around me, but I strive to be in control for myself even through chaos. I thrive on structure.

How does using a fork demonstrate control?

For me, it allows a semblance of having everything together. Having my hand on the pulse of things that pertain to me. It’s like having a plan. Directions. A clear understanding.

That says a lot for using a fork, doesn’t it?

What I saw in this is that it definitely is my choice to use a fork, even when it seems extreme and unreasonable, but this tendency for me also means that I am not always free and open enough to simply walk by faith. God strongly spoke to me as we approached the beginning of this year and let me know that He desired for me to walk by faith as never before. He was letting me know that I had to totally trust Him in all areas of my life.

The analogy of the fork showed me that I need to put it down more often. I need not be afraid of getting messy. I don’t have to always hold everything together, or at least try to. To totally trust Him means that I don’t even have to be concerned about what I can’t see ahead of me because God is in control. I don’t HAVE to be! Walking by faith means that I can put down the fork and simply be comfortable knowing that God is more than capable of being God without my help!

Carla

MOVE!

I’m not quite sure why, but I am speechless tonight. Quite unusual for me. Actually, I’ve been at a loss of words for the last few days. I’ve wanted to write, to blog, to create, to just be me…….yet I haven’t been feeling it. As always, there’s a lot going on with me. It’s always something! I say I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I guess I really do. Frankly, I’m just tired. Not physically. I’m emotionally drained and mentally exhausted. I’m still working at bringing my life into order…..or under order….. under control.

On one hand, I am thrilled to have the time and availability to do what I love and to love what I do. Yet, everything is not tied together yet. Everything is not in order yet. I feel so unorganized.

And then on the other hand, it is such a struggle now without my income. My goodness! It is amazing how much and how far my little dollars went. We take a lot for granted.

Then I question myself, fuss at myself, and wonder if I should have continued to suffer and endure the sacrifices I made and all that I went through to work for somebody else. Well, each time I questioned and second-guessed myself, God ALWAYS showed me that I was NOT wrong and that I was on the right path. He has shown me over and over again that I’ve done the right thing.

What He is consistently beating into my head is that I have NOT totally released myself to Him by fully trusting Him. Now THAT’S a hard pill to swallow. The truth hurts! I’m not proud of it, but I have to face the fact that no, I have not truly allowed myself to simply believe! You know, it’s hard to do that when you are trying to maintain control. Something has to give. It’s time for me to relinquish my perceived control and to do as the Lord continually speaks to my spirit……..He asks me, “When are you going to trust me?” Then, He tells me, “You have to believe me enough to know”.

As long as I hold on with clinched fists to fear of the unknown, then I am denying the One who is all-knowing free access in my life.

Tonight I sit here, oddly enough under cold temperatures of 38 degrees in March, watching this beautiful crackling fire in the fireplace, and I say that I am speechless. I guess it’s not that I have no words to say (uh……just look above)……..I simply have no justification for my actions. How can I justify not trusting God? In fact, I am ashamed of my actions.

Please pray for me as I move self out of the way. I am reminded of an old gospel song……..”If you move yourself, then God can have His way”.

Lord, I am sorry and I’ll just move on over……I am getting out of the way!

Carla