Brand New Day

Today, I feel as though I’m coming out of a fog. As though I’m awakening from a very long sleep. It’s time to bring some organization and order back into my life.
My new lifestyle means a lot of changes. I have to make many adjustments. Now I’m ready to establish a regular schedule that will allow me to do ministry work, write, study for school, study for the trainings and workshops that I am doing, intertwine my coaching practice, work on my book, etc. All in addition to taking care of my family, which is my highest priority next to my relationship with God.

I feel really good about completing an article that I wrote for an online magazine where I am serving as a columnist. I am also writing devotionals for Touching Heart Ministry. Additionally, of course, I am writing for my own endeavors and ministry.
I am ready to bring everything together and in order so that I can feel as though I am productive. I really haven’t felt that way due to being in that stupor. I’m coming out of that fog, though. I feel like I’m in the movie “The Wiz” when they killed the witch Evilene. At that point, the people began to peel off the ugliness and old costumes and they emerged into the light full of brightness and vigor. They finally truly came alive!

There is so much that I want to do and I am really excited about it. I’m still regaining my strength and energy, and I am bouncing back slowly but surely.
I hope to schedule the upcoming teleconferences for “Walking in Your Purpose”, and I’m ready to begin interviewing people again for the radio show. I also am ready to begin public and motivational speaking again. These things do take energy and strength, all of which I have not had regularly since my medical issues.

But I am an overcomer. I am determined, and destined, to walk in my purpose as God has ordered! I rest on the words of Jesus as He said that in this life, we will always have trials and tribulations. But He told us to be of good courage, be of good cheer, for He has already overcome the world. I know that because He has overcome, I too have overcome………simply because of Him. In fact, I am more than a conqueror because He loves me!

Yes, the fog is burning off now and I am looking forward to seeing the sun shining brightly…because the Son is guiding me.

Carla

Rest is Good!

It’s taken me two days to recuperate from a splendid weekend! It was wonderful, but it truly wore me out.

I hosted a birthday dinner party for Jerry’s 50th birthday on Saturday. It was really nice with Jerry’s family here and his co-worker and his wife, and one of his minister friends and his wife. The house was full of love, laughter, warmth, and prayer.

This was the first “big” thing I’ve done since I got sick, and it did take a lot of me. It took its toll. But, I made it through. When it was all over, that is when I felt it! My body felt like a mack truck ran me down as I was in a lot of pain from my neck down to my feet.

Sunday was the Dr. Martin Luther King Commemoration program at church. This is the program that our pastor asked me to coordinate. It turned out very well. I am so pleased from the performance and hard work from all of the children and the other participants. It took a lot of work, but it was worth it. I operated on adrenalin to get through the entire event, as I was still hurting and exhausted from the dinner party the night before.

I am happy that I was able to rest, rest, rest on Monday and Tuesday. I needed it!
Now to move forward to the other projects ahead…

Carla

The Tearful Eyes of Bernice

This is a poem that I wrote for our Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Commemoration Service at my church. I also designed the program cover that is to the right.

Be blessed! I am sure that many of us can relate to this poem.

THE TEARFUL EYES OF BERNICE
By Carla Y. Nix

The tearful eyes of Bernice
Made me cry and also grieve
As one little girl watched another little girl
Mourn before the whole wide world.

That picture remains in my mind today
I can’t believe that 40 years have passed away.
I still feel the powerful grip of grief;
Still feeling sad for Bernice.

That poor little girl had to say goodbye
While on her mother’s lap she lie
A woman of pure grace and strength
Coretta, without Martin, her precious King.

I think often of the great impact he made
I am so thankful for the trail he paved.
And I know that it was only God that gifted King so
In order for this world, and our people, to grow.

I can’t imagine what our lives would have been
If it had not been for Dr. Martin Luther King.
Yet I wonder if my own people will ever appreciate;
I wonder why we are filled with so much hate.

Now grown, this little girl will never forget
The picture, she first saw in Jet
Of MLK’s little girl – his progeny
Those tearful eyes of Bernice.

© January 2008

The Preacher's Wife

That's me! I am always thanking God for blessing my husband and for allowing him to be a minister. My husband's ministerial career and life has grown because he has grown as a man of God. I am extremely proud of my husband and I take great joy in watching him as he does what he loves -- being a mouthpiece for God!

As a preacher's wife, I do go through my own challenges and issues that most lay people cannot relate to. Many simply think that the preacher's wife is just someone who sits in front, smiling sweetly, as her husband does his job. They don't realize that we have our own "jobs" by just wearing the "hat" or "title" of "preacher's wife".

So, I decided to start a new group for preacher wives. The purpose is to be a support and fellowship for these chosen women.

People can join by clicking here.

Blessings!

Carla


groups.yahoo.com/group/Preacher-Wives

Sister Empowering Sisters

I am so excited to announce that I was a featured guest on the Sister Empowering Sisters talk radio show tonight. I am truly honored and I thank Lady Renee for the invitation and the awesome opportunity.

Lady Renee is a powerful woman of God and you really need to listen to her show on a regular basis.

You may listen to my interview by clicking here.



Blessings!

Carla

Pain in the neck...

Well, I’ve finally received the results from my last medical tests. The MRI does not show blockage in my neck (thank you Jesus). However, the doctor says that I do have arthritis there.

Arthritis??!!!

I didn’t even know that you can have arthritis in the neck! However, this does explain all of the pain that I have living and dealing with for the last few years. Back in mid- 2005, when Jerry and I were still separated, I began to suffer with excruciating pain in my neck. Literally! At one point, I could not even turn or move my neck. It felt like an incredible “crook” that would not go away. I also could not move and lift my left arm and both of my shoulders hurt terribly. I ended up going to a neurologist and he ran all kinds of tests too. The MRI showed something going on with my nerves, leaning on my cord. The doctor said that surgery might be necessary, but the condition may relieve itself just as suddenly and quickly as it arose. Lord knows that I did not want to ever have to consider surgery. Eventually, the pain did ease. But, never fully. I was able to move my neck and arm again………..I just learned to tolerate the pain that flared from time to time.

The pain has increasingly become more constant……..but still………I just learned to deal with it. Just going on, never having time to let it stop me, and simply functioning and operating as I need to. It’s amazing how we learn to live in pain. We get used to it. That’s sad! Many’a mornings I awake and can barely move. I just stretch and keep going.

The other test reveals that I do have nerve damage, although the good news is that it is mild. This is causing the numbness, weakness, and even some pain that I am having in my feet, hands, arms, and legs. Some days, it is very difficult for me to comb my daughter’s hair. She’s 10 years old and has extremely thick hair. Lord knows, that girl has some hair on her head. Now, it’s more of a challenge combing it out every day.

Also, unfortunately, I have been finding it difficult to type as I used to. This truly scares me, because some days I have to stop working because my hands and arms get tired and weak, and/or begin to ache. I am a writer! Do you know how much this scares me? I have been praying and asking God not to allow this to affect me in any significant way. Honestly, if the physical ability to write (manually or on the keyboard) is taken away from me…………well, I can’t even imagine it. All I know is that it would equate to taking away my soul!

However, I am just relieved to finally know something.

Sentimental

It’s been an interesting day for me emotionally-wise. I don’t know why, but my mind seemed to be invaded this morning with thoughts of my “past life”, as I call it. Thoughts of “home” (New Orleans). Thoughts of my parents. Thoughts of how much I miss them, and how much I miss home. Although God has blessed us with a new house, a new life, a new place to live, it is still difficult for me to consider this place “home”. It’s special to me and I treasure it because God gave it to us, and I do my best to make it a home for my family. But, “home” will always be back there.

I miss home!

Thoughts of home, of course, brought back so many memories of being there with my parents. My family. Then, I thought of our home………the house that we lived in. The place that I inherited and then began to raise my own family. I thought of all of the love that was expressed in that house. The house that my grandfather built. The house that my parents remodeled. The house that my own children played in.
It’s all gone! It is as though it never existed.

Although I miss the physical place, it is not so much that I do not reside there anymore. What hurts me is that home is no longer there. I can never go back to it because it doesn’t exist. It was the most eerie feeling each time we’ve been back to New Orleans since Hurricane Katrina not to have our home to return to. Additionally, my extended family has scattered as well and their homes are gone as well. Only one cousin, and one in-law, made it through Katrina unscathed as far as their physical property. Yet, they both lament about the vast changes that has taken place in our city. New Orleans is definitely not the same place.

Katrina left a huge foot print on the place, and even more so on our lives.

Certainly New Orleans had, and has, many problems (what place doesn’t?). But, New Orleans also has a culture all its own and like no other. And most of all for me, I had family. None of which I currently have here where we now reside.
Today, thoughts of my recent hospitalization and my ongoing recuperation crossed my mind. Perhaps because I simply went to bed last night feeling sick, and awakening feeling the same. I couldn’t help but think about the days of being in the hospital and these days to follow. It’s been a month now since I was released from the hospital. I thought about how “alone” I’ve felt, and how I know that my family would have been there for me if only we were all still at home. Now, we are scattered all around the country.

I don’t know why I’ve had such sentimental thoughts today. It’s bittersweet for me. See, my thoughts do make me sad, they even make me cry, yet I am so grateful to God for protecting us and blessing us as He has. I am so thankful for the blessings He’s given us. I praise Him and glorify Him for all that He has done. When the thoughts of home and family enter my mind, I normally try to push them out because on one hand it makes me feel like an ingrate. It makes me feel as though having such memories and feelings mean that I am not thankful for what God has done for me. Yet, I know that isn’t true, because I am very much thankful. I further know that out of all of the destruction, God also brought deliverance.
My thinking back does not mean that I have not moved on. It means, I suppose, that I have a rich and glorious pass that is filled with love and family and an incredible sense of home. Some may not be able to say that.

I am thankful to God for all that He has done in my life. I honor Him for blessing me with the family that I miss so much. I praise Him for the memory of my deceased parents who laid the foundation for not only our home, but for the person that they raised me to be.

I guess that it is okay to have something to look back on with fond memories, even if there is heartbreak and pain because what once was, no longer is.

Carla

DESTINY

The Passion4Life Talk Radio Show recorded tonight is available now in the archives. Click here to access the show. I know that you will be blessed from tonight's message.

Passion4Life Talk Radio
www.blogtalkradio.com/passion4life

Enchanted

I am really excited about the progress being made in our practices for the Dr. Martin Luther King commemoration program. I so enjoy working with the children. I have all age groups – from as young as 3 on up to 17. What I love the most is seeing their faces when they do something well and they are proud of themselves. I also enjoy encouraging those who are somewhat lacking. I let them know that I believe in them and I know that they can do it. And you know what? They do it! I love cheering them on for every single little step of improvement!

Because I was asked so late to coordinate the program, it is scheduled for January 27th, which is the Sunday after MLK day. Otherwise, we only had 3 weeks to put a program together. Now, we have a whopping 4 weeks! LOL! This is sad, but it’s working out.

I am having a dinner party for Jerry’s upcoming birthday. He will be 50, so I wanted to do something really nice for him. Nice, but quaint, and not too outlandish. I’m only inviting his family, a few of Jerry’s minister friends, and a few people from his job. I’m debating whether or not to include a big pot of gumbo on the menu. Jerry LOVES my gumbo, and he does want it. But, if I do it for the dinner, then I will have to cook a pretty large batch of it. I’ll see.

Today, I’m somewhat exhausted and sore. It was a full and busy day for me, and I haven’t had one of those in a month now. I had to go back to the doctor’s office this morning to have the test to see if I have nerve damage. When I was there on Tuesday, Dr. Shekoni informed me that the MRI revealed that I have arthritis in my neck. IN MY NECK!!??? Get out of town, I was just too shocked. Yet, I wasn’t surprised because it now explains why I am always in so much pain. Yes, I suffer almost daily with pain in my neck, shoulders, back, lower back. Dr. Shekoni said that the arthritis is leaning against my spinal cord. It all makes sense now. I understand the pain. I’ve simply learned to live with and deal with this pain.

Now, we have to see why I’m still having all of this numbness, tingling, and weakness in my hands, legs, and feet. The nerve test was interesting. It reminded me of an EKG on a smaller scale. They put probes on one of my hands, and sent electrical shock waves through me. It did not hurt, but it felt funny. Buzz! Buzz! Ooooh…….interesting is all I can say.

Now I still have to wait for the results. The technician said that they will be able to tell me late next week. So, once more, I wait…..

Afterwards, I brought Tiffanie to the Mall. She returns to college tomorrow and she wanted to do some shopping before she went. Actually, I gave her money for her birthday gift (Tiff is my new year’s baby – yep, born January 1st), and she wanted to get some clothes. I did some walking, but I ended up taking a seat and let her do her thing while I waited. After the Mall, we went to Wal-Mart to get some other stuff that she needs to take back to campus. Wal-Mart always means a lot of walking! The walking was good for me, but it also took its toll. My right leg is still weak, I also got tired, and my blood sugar dropped too low. So, I was feeling sick, but felt better when we got something to eat (I’d missed lunch, and when I miss meals, my sugar does drop too low).

Anyway, it was a good day, and a beautiful day. But, I do feel quite sore in the hand where they took the nerve test. My other hand is sore as well as my arm. It is somewhat painful for me as I am typing these words. I wanted to do a lot more typing, as I am writing some other projects, etc. But, I will have to call it an early night because of the soreness.

Oh well…….good night. I am looking forward to practicing with the children tomorrow for the MLK program.

I am at peace

Tuesday, January 08, 2008
12:45 pm

I go back to Dr. Shekoni today. He is supposed to give me the results from the MRI that was taken last week of my neck to check for blockage. I personally do not think that there is blockage. At least, I am hoping not. But I know that something isn’t right with me and I am tired of feeling this numbness, weakness, and sometimes even pain. At first, it was only on my right side in my hand and foot/leg. I now feel it on the other side, as well as in my face. I’ve been feeling it even in m lips. Dr. Shekoni is supposed to run another test as well to see if I have nerve damage. From what my brother told me and also from what I’ve read on my own, nerve damage does occur in some diabetics. I just hope that whatever is the problem can be rectified and treated.

I am enjoying this change of pace in my life. I have gotten a lot of rest………..trust me, a lot! Rest is foreign to me . But, it feels good and I do feel better because of it. I do still feel weakness, but I am dealing with it. At times, I still get the headaches, but now I can go lay down and rest when I do. I enjoy being home when my daughter comes home from school. I enjoy having dinner cooked in time for my husband before he leaves for work (he works the 2nd shift – 3pm); and of course it’s ready when my daughter comes home. I enjoy that I haven’t had to punch in a clock in the morning, but can do some work when and IF I feel like it. I love that I have been able to do some household things when I want to, and not as a very rushed weekend event. I mostly enjoy being able to go to bed at a decent time (usually by 8:30 or 9:00 pm).

My goal is to soon develop a schedule for myself. Time for me to write, time to do some online work, time to do some ministry work (both online and off), time to rest, time to read. Hopefully I will be able to do this soon in an organized manner.

On a personal front, I am ready for a new look. I have lost 12 pounds since leaving the hospital. I feel good in that regard. I actually feel lighter. But, I am ready to change my hairdo. I am not ashamed to say that I currently wear a weave. This is not my first one, but I when I feel the urge to do something different, I get one. Now, I am ready to get it out and don my own hair again. What I am not happy about concerning my own hair is that since hurricane Katrina, my hair texture has changed. My hair is much thinner now and so much so, that you can see my scalp in some areas. Alone with the thinness is the texture. It’s a finer texture, yet sort of cottony. My hair has always been very thick, not course, but thick. I don’t know what it is now and although it looks nice for a moment, I don’t like it. The weave has allowed me to take a break from chemicals and the elements. I am seriously considering not returning to the chemicals and to just go natural………ah, but we’ll see. Maybe I’ll get a low cut and let it grow out anew.

We’ll see!

Carla